Entebbe, Uganda

Woke up to the sound of Guinea Hens descending from their nightly roosting trees outside my door at the Guesthouse here. I slept like a rock last night, it was amazing.

Walking out of my room this morning, I was greeted with a chorus of sounds I had forgotten sound so good together. Birds in tropical trees, children singing at a school nearby, sweeping, laughing and all under a slight veil of thousands of tiny buzzing bug wings hanging in the air with the humidity.

My rabies vaccines made it, I am glad. They weren't required until my assignment put me in Ango, too remote to receive the vaccination in time if I am bitten by something nasty. So, I got the first in Lausanne (procured all by myself in French, thank you very much) and had to pack my next two doses (syringes and all) with me, keeping them frozen while traveling 10 hours to Africa... you can imagine my excitement when I opened the thermos and found their ice cube travel companions still frozen! Luckily, I'll be working and living with a whole slew of medical staff, so one of them can administer the shots.

I have always wanted to learn how to give shots and stitches... I feel like both could come in handy.
Huh, I'll have to ask.

Two hours to hang out, then back to the airport to catch a MAF flight to Bunia. Nearly there.

Where to Begin

I learned to use a BGAN today.

This is me, right now, tonight.
I have one more day in Switzerland, have been shamelessly indulging in good chocolate, excellent wine, timely transportation and solid bandwidth.

I am sitting on one of three couches in Medair's flat. Two of the guys are discussing river rafting guide jobs, living a life that feels more comfortable abroad, a brother in the secret service and other standard conversational topics for these types. These types. These people. In some ways it is like a strange dream being among these people... but in most ways, I feel right at home. I feel I am among 'my people'.
If you are in this flat, you are in transit.
South Sudan, Afghanistan, Haiti, Somaliland and the DR Congo will soon dust our shoes. We've shared Skype time with family members, swapped field stories, shared advice on how to deal with fraud, how to stay soft and still love people after years among the worst situations humanity has to offer...

Honestly, I don't feel I have much to lend but an ear and maybe a hand or two.
The goliaths we are up against tower above our line of vision.

Hopeless.
Unreachable.
Forgotten.

There is love.

Love that fills in the spaces cracks in hope have left dry.
Love that stretches out beyond any one person's capacity.
Love that does not forget.

A God who is overflowing with love that hopes when there is none, that gives when there is nothing, that abounds when all is bleak, that remains after all is lost. This love is beyond me. This love is beyond you.
There is no sense in doing anything without it.
Ah, but what freedom in such love.

Beginning in love does not assure all will end in love, but all is futile without love.

Ecublens, Vaud

I've finished up with HQ Briefing at our Swiss office...

Medair Introduction
Health Insurance and Policies
Paperwork
Coffee
Operations and Logistics
Information Services
Coffee
Communications
Project Management
Beneficiary Accountability and Feedback
Finances
Paperwork
Ango, Isiro and Bunia Project Briefing
Coffee
Stress Management in the Field
Medical Forms
Security Procedures Briefing
Spiritual Support
Coffee
Sign my life away... quite literally.

I've had more questions answered than I've asked, feel more prepared than I could in any other position, am confident I have brought more stuff than I will need and I am completely at ease with my next steps.

The ease doesn't come out of naïvety - much to the contrary - it comes out of an abundance of knowledge and understanding what I am getting myself into. I understand the risks, I realize the challenges will be beyond anything I have previously encountered and I know that it is not just me that is sacrificing for this, but also friends and family. I have counted the cost and deemed the work worth it all.

This weekend, after my rabies vaccines, I'll just be exploring... debating Florence, Madrid or Bern.
Next week is Logistics training (how to get people and things around with no roads) following Information and Communications Tech training (sat-phones, radios, etc). Wednesday, I fly to Entebbe. Thursday, a small plane in to Bunia where I'll train for 8 weeks before heading to Ango.

Why?

No matter how much I prep in advance, I still manage to be up all night before an international departure... 

Come What May, Come

I have a musical crush on Andrew Bird, it's been in the works for a few years now. His use of lyrics more as instruments for their sounds than words to communicate meaning, strikes a chord in me. Sans google, I was convinced (am deciding I still want to be) that 'Masterswarm' was a song about Lariam.

Last night I had one of my first Lariam dreams, of what I am sure are many to come. From hereon they will be referred to as 'Meflo-mares'. Among the common side-effects of Mefloquine, a weekly anti-malarial, are vivid and often disturbing dreams.

When I worked at the frantically busy Old Spaghetti Factory in downtown San Diego, the waitstaff commonly called our dreams of forgetting to bring drinks, lasagna chasing us in the kitchen and perpetually unsatisfied customers demanding what we just could not provide, 'Spag-mares'. While simultaneously working for World Vision and shamelessly nursing an addition to the Lost series, I sustained dreams of disease, famine, and forced violence all against the backdrop of a nonsensical jungle.

The tricky thing is, often my dreams pick up right where sleep left me. Rarely can I tell the difference between realities while I am dreaming. This often makes for some confused first moments of consciousness each morning -
Wait, I'm not pregnant?
Oh, I am still in Switzerland?
Yes, my teeth haven't fallen out?
Bummer, that project isn't over yet?
Ah, Peter Pan and I aren't really that good of friends?
Sweet, I'm not at work with no pants on?

Last night, I was driving and a man came to my window while at a stop-light in Ramona, near Packard's. He had two of my mom's old kitchen knives and was leaning towards me with a big chipped tooth smile. Lucky for me, I recognized the knifes and knew they couldn't even cut through a tomato skin. Unafraid and like the ninja I aspire to be, I avoided the knives and smacked his grinning face with my fist, hard.

Waking up to the sound of your knuckles cracking against your bedroom wall isn't highly recommended.
Personally, I prefer waking to soft floating melodies, such as those that indicate dreams in sitcoms.

And by the way, illustrations of radiolarian in Haeckel's 'Kunstforment der Natur' are strikingly beautiful.

Day in the Life

My Mother’s House - Ramona

Wake up; look around at the enormous amounts of things that need to be done. Make rice based hot cereal and red tea. Watch the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Make some lists and leave the house. Today I am glad for the professional umbrella maneuvering skills learned on the people saturated, typhoon drenched and narrow streets of Hong Kong.

A Starbucks - Point Loma

Don’t order anything but a glass of water when a tickle in my throat disallows any further conversation while meeting with the missions leader at a major church in the area. For the first time I am not nervous about the future of a large church’s international missions agenda. The seeds of many prayers planted years ago are beginning to bud and I am expectant, thinking of what the fruit will bring in from the harvest.

Doctor’s Waiting Room - El Cajon

I am waiting to see my doctor so she can approve me fit to work ‘in a crisis situation, such as war, famine or epidemic, in order to bring relief assistance’ because ‘the candidate will be living and working abroad in situations which may often be physically and emotionally stressful […] in remote areas, often in tropical heat and humidity with reduced access to medical facilities’.
A tetanus shot from the nurse and hug from my doctor later, I am one step closer.

Claire de Lune - North Park

Hat, jacket, scarf, boots and green tea keeping me cozy against the wind and the rain. No internet here, so I can focus on reading I told myself I would have done by now – and yet I blog. There's a guy running across the street with very white shoes on. Surprisingly mainstream music blaring just over the constant chatter of excruciatingly hip hipsters. Andrea is on her way. I wish my friends came in travel size. Pockets of the planet have claimed fractions of my heart’s capacity for missing people and I wonder how much more I can take. A creepy man who has been outside staring in the window for the past 15 minutes has just come in and dramatically shivered – now he stands at the same window, looking out.

Andrea is here. I am happy.

House Church - Clairemont

Tonight is an evening with some of the rocks in my life. The type of people you can call for anything – surfing, prayer, house-sitting, dinner, drinks, jam sessions – who have seen me through some of the very best and very worst seasons of life over the past five years or so. Only two more Wednesday nights with them, which makes me sad. However, I know they go with me in spirit and prayer and in that I take a deep comfort. 

A Mountainous Soul

This weekend, Catherine and Tyler and I popped up to Cuyamaca for a quickie of a backpacking trip. We didn't even cover 10 miles. However, at every turn, hill, manzanita, falling star, small herd of deer and branch in the face, I was reminded of my childhood in Julian.

First light Saturday morning, the particular chorus of birds hopping back and forth between oaks, pines, cedars and charcoaled trees suddenly flung me back 20 years to open windows and Vulcan Mountain standing between my bedroom and the desert below...

Playing in any of the four makeshift tree forts in my yard
Running in a field with my dog, Gunner
Training Gunner to fetch wood from the pile in the winter
Squealing as he returned, one day, with a squirrel instead
Laying in the sun on the roof with my cat, Jenny
Growing a garden on my roof beside my open skylights
I always yearned for the urban life of Sesame Street
Swinging on tire swings, hammock, rope swings, zip line
Mary Brown fell nearly 20 feet when the zip line snapped
'Hunting for deer', driving around to find them at dusk
Fearing 'druggies' and mountain lions
Finding shelter in trees and freedom in open fields
Going on field trips to gold mines and grave yards
Knowing the difference between stellar and scrub jays
Feeding the pigeon population my dad introduced to Julian
Jumping on the neighbors' trampoline until mom called us in
Going to sleep at 7 to the sound of the neighbors jumping
Buying eggs at a roadside stall instead of a normal store
Regularly driving 30 minutes or an hour for groceries
Regularly getting carsick every time we drove down the hill
Loving staring at clouds, stars, bugs, birds, fire, wind
Feeding raccoons through a hole in our kitchen floor
Growing up with the same 60 kids all through grade school
Getting the local discount and jump in line at Mom's Pies
Playing with the other teachers' kids on empty playgrounds
My dog regularly escaping the yard to come find me at school
Casually and constantly referring to Autumn crowds as 'tourons'
Knowing what to do when you see a rattle snake
Water-slide parties on the Fourth of July and in the snow
Running outside barefoot in PJs to thank the snow for a snow day 
Happily dirty and disheveled by the end every day


I cried the first time I drove through my beloved mountains after the wildfires stole my forests. The idea that my children won't know them like I did is disheartening. However, there are many things that my children will not know the way I do. That is true for each generation throughout history.
I am at peace with that.

So incredible to look back and see how growing up with a love for the outdoors has prepared me for the work I am in now. Learning yesterday that I have been assigned to a location with no internet or running water didn't phase my decision to go for a moment. There are many things we have and do not need. I am interested to see just how far I can take that philosophy and live it out.

My stroll on memory mountain was exactly what my soul needed. How lucky to know what feeds your soul.